[Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA
February 12, 1988
&
Warner Theatre, Washington DC
February 9, 1988
&
Music Hall, Cleveland, Ohio
March 5, 1988
&
Falkoner Teatret, Copenhagen, Denmark
April 25, 1988]

Broadway The Hard Way, ladies and gentlemen!
Broadway The Hard Way!

You are the girl
Somebody invented
In a grim little office
On Madison Ave.

They were specific
They made you terrific:
Red lips;
Blue eyes;
Blonde hair;
Un-wise -
You're All-American,
And, darling, they said so

YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BABY?
YOU'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T YOU, BABY?
SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A BRAIN,
LET ME JUST EXPLAIN:
ANY KIND OF PAIN
IS NEVER A MAYBE

What?

Her head's full of bubbles;
Her nose is petite!
She looks like she never
Gets nothin' to eat!

'N she dines with actors,
'N Wall Street characters:
Dull talk;
Nice clothes -
See her?
She blows -
(She's so important
'Cause he gets to do talk shows -)

SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T SHE, BOBBY? (Yeah, she would!)
SHE'D TAKE ANY KIND OF PAIN FROM ME,
WOULDN'T SHE, BOBBY?
SINCE SHE HAVEN'T GOT A NAME,
LET ME JUST EXPLAIN:
ANY KIND OF PAIN
IS PROB'LY HER HOBBY

No . . . ow-ow-ow-oh . . . no . . .

She has moved up now;
She's come a long way -
They give her bunches
Of words she can say!

When she's in a bold mood,
"Confinement Loaf" sounds good -
That's right,
She's wrong!
Let's end
Her song

(It seems she's everywhere
We just can't escape her -
Is this a miracle of pure evolution?
And all the yuppie boys, they dream they will rape her -
She brings the BUS RIDE
To a thrilling conclusion!)

YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS TAME AS ME,
ISN'T SHE TENDER?
YES, SHE'S EVERY BIT AS LAME AS ME,
LET US REMEMBER,
SHE GETS ONLY HALF THE BLAME
ONLY HALF THE BLAME
ONLY HALF THE BLAME
UNLESS WE EXTEND HER -